12 CDs for the Price of 1!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

No (?) Winter Wonderland/NY Street Talk

New for Sunday!!! (I updated this post today. The last two posts were garbled by Blogger so re-read them. They were put out on the same day.) This is just a quick note to Miami personal friends that read Miamista. I have been called all Thursday, yesterday and today about the mythical snow storm. IT IS NOT SNOWING IN NEW YORK (but there has been some frosty misty stuff for an hour today that melted before hitting the ground). It did not snow yesterday or the day before, despite reports to the contrary. I actually saw sattelite news from a Florida affiliate that showed stock footage of a winter wonder land while speaking about the airport closures in New York City. How misleading. I hope this serves as evidence of how powerful centralized media can be. I hope it does snow soon so I can cancel appointments with clients Monday. J/K- I love my clients and would never do that unless absolutely necessary. !!!!Update Sunday-Finally, it snowed like crazy last night and I played with other (slightly inebriated) adults on Houston Street at 2 in the morning.

That picture above is in a part of Virginia that I spent a lot of time in as a youth and is near and dear to me. The snowfall that year, four years ago, is an all time record in a part of Virginia that actually has palm trees and spanish moss. Talk about the best of both worlds...

Here are some things I am hearing on the streets of New York City-

Die In Your Arms Tonight
Girl: Are you saying you would have anal sex with my lifeless body?
Guy: No, I’m insinuating it.
--V Train

Phallic Art
Girl: I think it is a complete failure as an ideology but it is aesthetically pleasing.
Guy: What, circumcision?
Girl: No, futurism.

Miss Your Stop
Guy: I can’t believe I was cock-blocked by the L train.
--L train Platform, Union Square

Do they take transfers?
Woman: Move in damn it, move in!
Yuppie: Wait for the next one, this train is full.
Woman: I have to be on this train.
Yuppie: This isn’t the train to heaven you know, it’s going to Queens.
--F Train

Rush Hour Mythology
Girl: The fuckin’ R train is a fuckin’ myth. I swear to God it is like a unicorn: only fools and virgins can see it.
--Canal Street Station-N, Q, R platform

Why Switch?-
Girl #1: I can't believe last year you had a boyfriend and this year you have a girlfriend! It's like so nasty.
Girl #2: Oh please, next year you're going to have a girlfriend too.
Girl #1: Hell no I ain't. I made it through last year without a girlfriend and I'll make it through this year too!
--#6 train

Mixed Company-
Crazy guy: 3 fucking white kids talking to a chink.
Chick #1: Little does he know that's not the most offensive thing we've heard tonight.
Chick #2: Yeah, by comparison it was politically correct.
--#4 train

You Can't Choose Your Station-
Woman: They need to play more Rufus Wainwright. I only hear him on WFUV.
Man: Don't you mean W-G-A-Y?
Woman: Oh, that was tactful.
--Noodles, Rice & More, 3rd Avenue

Better be Good To Me-
Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn't have sex with him, he'd break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don't understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.
--43rd & 7th

Designing Woman-
Woman: I was a bride's maid once and only once. I avoided it after that experience. The dresses were awful, they were like a menopause blue.
--East 64th St.

Who's Crazy?-
Guy:I was talking to my therapist and she said, "Would you rather hurt yourself or someone else", I started to say "myself" but then I thought she didn't want to hear that. So I told her I would rather hurt someone else, that seemed more sane.
--A Train

Are Lawyers Smart?-
Student: No I am a dirty whore but I am a law student so I am a smart and dirty whore.
--Columbia U. Library

Family Planning-
Woman: Well I think maybe I'll be single forever. Maybe it's time I had children.
Guy: You can have one of mine, that is if I have any.
--Long Island Rail Road

Everyone Wants to Save-
Woman:I thought she was moving to Africa to save the children from starvation or something.
Guy:Well that didn't happen. She moved to Williamsburg to save the trendy from hurting themselves with accessories I guess.
--East 7th St., L.E.S.

Guy #1:And you know what else he does, he puts perfume on his pubes.
Guy #2:You know I read about that in an article.
--Barnes and Noble, Astor Place

Influential Movie-
Girl:Did you like it?
Guy:Yeah it was amazing.
Girl: What about Eric, did he like it?
Guy:Yeah, he wants to become a Gay cowboy now.
--NYU Coles Gym Lobby

I Always Wondered-
Girl: I was drunk and I forgot to take out my last tampon. When the doctor fished it out it was all gray and smelled like alpo.
--6 Train

She Was My Muse-
Guy #1:What do you mean she fired you?
Guy #2:The bitch fired me.
Guy #1:You should write a story about her. The bitch fucked up and now you can show her.
Guy #2:I've been writing a book about her since last Christmas.
Guy #1:Oh.
Guy #2:Now I am going to lose filler material.
--Times Square

In a Blind Folded Taste Test-
Black Woman: My God. This bagel is as hard as a rock! I can’t eat this shit. Can you eat this shit?
White Guy: I’ll eat it.
Black Woman: I’m just saying it’s the worse goddamn bagel I have ever had.
White Guy: Honey it’s from Dunkin’ Donuts. What do you expect? Dominos ain't good pizza and Olive Garden ain’t good Italian.
White Woman: Damn! The next thing you know you’ll be telling me there is no Santa Claus. Go easy.
--Joralemon St., Downtown Brooklyn

I Won't Sell Out-
Girl #1: I refuse to take a Women’s Studies class. It’s against my morals.
Girl #2: I have a friend in that class, and he is one of two guys in there. He said the rest are all man-haters.
Girl #1: I hear the only way to get an A in that class is to come out or say how you were abused as a child or say “I live with my boyfriend but I am a lesbian.”
--NYU Palladium Gym

Working Hard-
Guy #1: You did a helluva job in that meeting.
Guy #2: It gives me a hard on to hear you say that Jeff. Yep, gives me a hard on.
--51st and 6th

Guy: Do you want this bag of chips?
Homeless Guy: Nah.
Guy: Damn, I guess beggars can be choosers.
-4th St. West Village

Watch Out for the Man-
Guy: I should get extra consideration since you named Melanie and Alexander.
Wife (pregnant): I did not name them. We named them together.
Guy: No we didn’t. You came up with the names and I agreed with you. Now it’s my turn.
Wife: Leave it to the White man to rewrite history.
--Broome St. SoHo

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